Movies I Should Loathe, but Instead Love: Predator 2

It takes a lot to follow up The Wraith. 

(It's way old news by now, but I thought it quite prescient that I would cover Charlie Sheen's most awesomest (if not best) movie a whole two months before he went batpoop crazy.)

But, yes, there are others. Movies I should loathe, but love. I'm a man of refined cinematic tastes: Blade Runner, Rear Window, Ikiru... but then there are some. These films I cannot objectively defend to anyone. Yet, on the 17th viewing along with some special friends (read: cocktails), I enjoy them nearly as much as the Scotts, Hitchcocks and Kurosawas. Am I slumming it? Perhaps. Or maybe there's some redeeming qualities. We shall see.

Predator 2
(That's right-- Two.)"Don't hate."

Do we have to include another reference (this time specifically!) to the defunct (or at least re-formatted) WXYZ TV-20 in Detroit? Where else was I going to see Predator 2 as a wee eighth grader in all its edited-for-content glory? Does this mean every movie I should loathe, but love, has some Rosebud-like tie to my childhood? What's next, Red Dawn? Maybe so, friends, maybe so.

Predator 2 is not just bad, it's a pretty darn terrible follow-up to John McTiernan's classic action/sci-fi of the mid Ahnold Renaissance period (for those keeping record: this begins with Conan the Barbarian (1982) and ends with True Lies (1994)). I don't necessarily know what the filmmakers were thinking, but the marketing department definitely biffed when they decided to introduce the trailer with short clips (however brief) from the original:

Talk about setting yourself up for disaster. I mean, I realize director Stephen Hopkins was hot off his timeless cinematic jewel Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Child, but you think they might have just considered tempering the audience a bit.

Anyway, where to start? Well, perhaps with the bad, or the worst, part about Predator 2: it's based off of a comic book. No, there's nothing wrong with this at all, but for the fact that the comic book was better in every way. All that ended up making the transition was the Desert Eagle pistol and this manly pose:

Okay, that's not entirely accurate, but if it comes between seeing Predator 2 and reading the first run of Predator Dark Horse Comics (available in full-color trade paperback!), go with the latter.

Did I say I love this movie? Well, I do. Bear with me.

The plot, in brief: Predator, or, well, another Predator has come to Earth to hunt. This time, instead of the jungle, he's chosen the hot, sweltering Los Angeles metropolitan area, in the dark future of... 1997. Things aren't pretty in the future: drugs rule the west coast, and the cops just can't hold off the gangs and cartels. And what are they to make of this sudden crazy rather invisible killa who's suddenly offing these gangstas like it's going out of style?

Enter Danny Glover. That's right, hot off of two Lethal Weapon installments (playing the straight-shootin' cop who's "gettin' too old for this [poop]") and serious fare like the American Playhouse production of A Raisin in the Sun, Danny's agent thought it would be a good idea to try and be an action star. Well, you know what? B- for effort, and following up Arnold that's not too shabby. Danny, as the rebellious Lt. Mike Harrigan, doesn't take no for an answer, or any answer for that matter: he's now in the Mel Gibson role of Lethal Weapon, but instead of funny, he's 100% t.u.f.f.

And it's not just the Predator he's got to face down. Hey, speaking of Lethal Weapon, look who's also back!

"Infa. Red." Two words.

Mr. Gary Busey. As Peter Keyes, he leads a group of nefarious federal agents, and he's not only out to trap the Predator and get all his technological goods, but--far worse--is willing to tramp on Harrigan's turf to do it! As this is the oldest conflict known to all Hollywood fare featuring law enforcement, you know what's up: these dudes will not be getting along anytime soon.

The film's first half is investigative, with Harrigan basically figuring out all the same stuff that Arnold had to figure out in the first one:

1. Predator hunts people for sport.
2. Predator only hunts people who are armed.
3. Predator likes to find someone to stalk in a creepy fashion, kind of like a role model... wait, what?

Well, that last one does happen, and it's a bit weird, especially since it serves nothing in the plot save for establishing, again, the same juvenile honor code that came through in the first.

But enough of that! Once Harrigan and Keyes meet up at the mid-point, it's an hour-long game of cat-and-mouse with the Predator, that really does make the film.

Is it time for another tangent? I think so! What is it about even certain well-budgeted Hollywood films of the '80s and '90s that tried to get away with being set "in the future" by upping a few props? Unlike, say, Blade Runner (how many references can I fit into one post? Oh, many, friends), which admittedly bankrupted a few companies and municipalities (yes, I jest) to make a fully textured dark future, it seems like the audience is supposed to just focus in on the "futuristic" mis en scene while ignoring the fact that everyone is driving 1990 model Chevrolets:

Yup.

Anyway, the whole future aspect of the film really only ends up being there to include some nifty gadgets to figure out... well, no, foreshadow, that the Predator is not of this world. So, perhaps the lack of effort is forgivable.

But oh, that chase sequence! Building to building, hand-to-hand, mano a mano! Harrigan is angry, and he's out for justice, revenge, and everything in between!

Whew!

I feel like I've been too negative in this review, or perhaps too sarcastic. Indeed, there are other bright spots that I won't delve too much into: the movie also stars Bill Paxton and has a bit part for Adam Baldwin. The special effects are quite passable for the Predator himself and still hold up over time. The score is ported over from the first film, and that's solidly memorable. And... oh, come on, who can forget King Willie?

"I don't know who he is, but I know where he is: dee udder side."

Say what you want about Predator, it's King Willie who's going to scare the kids. Doing his creepy voodoo bone-rolling. I, for one, as an impressionable 13-year-old, was quite pleased to see Predator show up and off this drug-pushing dude, believe you me.

So, there it is, Predator 2. I love it. For no good reason at all.

In closing, for anyone who thinks I should be watching bona fide Christmas fare like, say, Die Hard, go ahead and re-watch that trailer above. When did Predator 2 come out? I rest my case.